Oh, The hell we raised!
by Alexander the Unholy
Summary: Some of the FullMetal Cast has been thrown into the real world with an author who lives in a quaint victorian home... How will they adjust? Rated for Language, violence, and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1: Assigning Rooms

**Disclaimer:** I neither own, Nor make money off of the stories i write. I write them at my own risk of legal actions. (In other words: Please, Don't sue me.)

**Oh, The hell we raised**

**Chapter One: Assigning Rooms**

I sat on a couch in the living room. My assorted new guests were either gathered, or seated somewhere with me. I was the first to speak. "Well, Seeing as you will all be my guests for a little while... Let's get a few things straight first shall we?" The few who had come from the other 'world' nodded, and watched me in interest. "First, No fighting." I stared at a young blonde-headed man, and then at a midnight black haired man whom were glaring at each other.. "Second, I'd prefer it if you ask me before resorting to any... 'obscure' methods." I, again, looked to the two and then at a person who looked like he was wearing a large suit of armor, but in fact WAS the suit of armor. ",and that is all i have to say for now... Shall we assign you to your rooms?" The group smiled at me... Most of them tired, and hungry from the lack of my hospitality since they had come upon this place. The short young man with braided blonde hair spoke first. "How many rooms d'ya have anyway?" He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. I simply ran my hand through my own black, slightly curled, hair. "I have five rooms, Four for you, The master bedroom shall remain mine." The young man snapped his fingers as if he was wanting the beautiful room for himself. "I have the master bedroom, and a guest room on this floor... And i have three bedrooms upstairs..." The crowd, Which included 2 women, seemed to drown in these words. "I'm going to assign the Elric brothers to the room on this floor, Roy you may take the west-most room on the upper floor, Riza you shall take the north-most room on the upper floor, and Winry you shall take the east-most." They nodded in agreement... The young blonde headed man named Edward clutched his stomach, and grinned at me as it rumbled. "Ah, Hungry? I will go fix dinner then... I suggest you go to your rooms, and get used to them.. You may be staying awhile." They all nodded in agreement, and left for their rooms... Save for a certain young man whom was cursed to live in the armor. "Are you sure you don't mind all of us staying with you?" I simply cast a smile at him, and continued to walk to the kitchen of the Victorian-esque home. "Of course, If anything it is my honor to." He seemed to give a sigh of discontentment, and i simply shook my head. "Don't worry, Alphonse. I have more than enough provisions for four times your group." He chuckled slightly... I did'nt know why so i simply moved closer to the stove I had finally reached in the middle of our conversation. "Would you mind pulling out the ingredients for a stew...?" The young man nodded, and went to fetch the delicate ingredients...

Meanwhile, With Edward...

He settled onto the massive bed, and sighed in a pleasured contentment. "Wow, Maybe this won't be so bad." He voiced to himself in a gentle tone. "I wonder what we're having for dinner though.." He sniffed the air only to smell the scent of cleaners.. The room he was in had recently been cleaned by the man who really wase'nt much older than himself he now had to live with for now. He stood, and removed his crimson red cloak which bore the insignia of his master 'Izumi'. He walked over to the hanger, and draped it over an arm. Flexing his metal arm, and clapping his hands together... Only to remember the man's words, and stop before he completed the transmutation. "Close one." He ran his auto-mail hand over the braid of his hair, and fell back on the bed again... Waiting to be called to dinner.

Meanwhile, With Roy...

The man walked upstairs with Riza, and Winry behind him... Seemingly enjoying the idea of sleeping near two women before Riza delivered a swift punch on the top of the head. "Don't even think about it.." He rubbed the spot where he had been struck, and quickly retreated to his new room... "Wow, This place is nice." He had seen better, but the room was indeed very nice. Covered in oaken furniture which resembled english cultured. He removed his military vest, and sorted through the drawers of the armoire which stood in the corner... Simple casual clothing, but at least it was tasteful. He had to admit, The guy had taste..

Both of the women had retreated into their rooms, Mostly sorting through the already oddly determined items...

Back in the kitchen, I had finished the stew, and the varying side dishes... Edward had immediately caught the wind of pleasent smells, and literally tore through the house to get to the kitchen... Alphonse, and I laughed as he drooled in the doorway before I grabbed him by the arm... Setting him down at a chair, and calling out to the others. "Dinner is ready, Come on." Somewhere within a minute they had all settled into chairs around the large table, and began to eat... Some greedily, the others elegantly.. I simply grinned, and took my own plate to the living room... Alphonse had followed me, and settled unto his bottom nearby. I ate as we both watched a native-american comedian crack random jokes about women, and sex... We had both burst into laughter throughout the program. Edward had joined us near the end, and was layed out on an opposite couch... Complaining that his ribs were broken from laughter, and his stomach being oversized... I smiled at the poor man, and returned to the kitchen... Watching as the three who remained chated among themselves as i put my plate inside the sink. The older woman, whom was also blonde, looked at me with a puzzled look in her eyes. "We have'nt even gone through introductions yet, Though you know our names, What is yours..?" I smiled at them, and proceeded to walk out. "Alexander." I did'nt see if they said, or did anything... I had left the kitchen afterwards. I returned to the den to catch Ed being launched towards me by Alphonse.. For what reason, I did'nt know.. I caught the young man with a fall as I groaned in surprise. Edward had landed with his face in my crotch (Much to my fright.), and had quickly lept away to lay back on the couch... I gagged, and simply sat in the recliner next to the door. "Never to speak of." Edward nodded with a scared look in his eyes. Alphonse just fell over with laughter. A few minutes later, the other three had joined us, and proceeded to laugh with us as a female comic began to go on about sex (Quite an interesting topic among comedians i must say.) Edward, and Winry cuddled on a far couch while Roy proceeded to flirt, and be beaten by Riza... Alphonse had been the smart one, and sat on an opposite recliner as we both focused on the show... Almost dying of laughter several times.

Two hours passed...

It had become late.. Edward, and Winry had left together to the brothers' room.. I was assuming that they were cuddling, or had proceeded to have intercourse.. Either was fine with me though, Lovers in the house did indeed bring some interesting topics to the dinner table. Roy had left to his room to catch some sleep before his head was completely smacked off by Riza, whom had retreated to the dining room to look through some of the bookshelves I had placed there for some dinner entertainment. Alphonse, and I had agreed on a stroll around the house to ease my own stomach... He had little else to do... Though, Little did i know the goings on in the brothers' room... Though, Later it had indeed become clear that they had slept together...

That night, I had slept rather well...


	2. Chapter 2: Then, They went down

Author's Note: Being the great, GUY, I am.. Alot of humor is going to be put into this chapter, and quite a little bit of raunchy, yet extremely funny antics... But of course, There has to be quite a bit of raunchy behavoir, for the antics to happen.

Disclaimer: I'm not going to say it again after this chapter. I do not own FMA, nor do i make any money off of the fictions i write about it.

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**Oh, The hell we raised!**

**Chapter Two: Then, They went down...**

I woke up as usual, Around the crack of dawn, and busied myself with becoming decent... I have almost always slept in the nude. Why? I'm just comfortable like that, I guess. Either way, I slid into the bathroom to take my morning shower, and quickly got dressed. A leather shirt with a pair of black slacks. Don't ask me why, I just felt like wearing black today. I ran the comb through my hair a few times to straighten the most obviously horrid bed-hair I had woken with. After which, I rushed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for my new guests... Only to find three of them awake... Edward, Winry, and Alphonse (Though, Alphonse never sleeps so i'm not too surprised with this.) I glanced at them, and took a step in.. Only to be smacked with a wrench. "Ahh! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I had to say... That did'nt feel too good.

Edward quickly helped me up, and I had to hold myself back from scolding Winry... Why she'd struck me? Hell, If I knew... All i know now, is if it happens again.. I'm not going to be very receptive. "Just don't do it again... Now, What are you two doing up?" Alphonse quickly busied himself over the sink to keep from catching the idiotic, yet plausable, arguement. "What are we doing up? What are you doing up?" Edward growled. I managed to stare at him, Dumbfounded. "This is my house... and I always wake up early.." Winry smacked Edward with her wrench, which reminds me.. Where the hell did she FIND the wrench anyway, and He quickly fell to the ground in pain... I stared at Winry, and proceeded to go over to the oven.. Placing some dough inside to make, in my opinion the best, doughnuts in the area... Doughnuts were my usual morning snack. Edward quickly jumped back to his feet as he breathed in the scent of the heating... Looking rather unhurt, for being struck with a wrench upside the head, and obviously was pretty hungry... "They will be a little while, Why don't you wake the others?" Alphonse stayed in the kitchen while the other two dutifully obeyed. "Alphonse, Would you mind going to the pantry to get the glazing sugar?" He stood there a second before I had realized my own mistake... "It's the small room off the side of the dining room." Alphonse complied by walking off towards the dining room... I sighed, and simply removed the now cooked dough from the oven.. Placing several doughnut shapes near the frier, and waiting for Alphonse's return... The first one to come in, though, was Roy Mustang, whom also basked in the scent of ready to bake doughnuts... Alphonse came in shortly after, and I pushed Roy out of the way before he would eat the not-prepared dough.. I covered the doughnuts in the sugar, and put them inside the frier... I glanced at Roy, and then at Alphonse. "Is Miss Hawkeye up?" This question was directed at the Colonel, Who replied with a shake of his head. "Apparantly, She wase'nt in her room." I stared at him before remembering where she had finished her evening... On a couch in the living room, with one of the books on my bookcase... Whether it was one of mine, or not though.. I did'nt know.. I glanced at Alphonse before briskly walking to the living room. "Watch the doughnuts, Alphonse." He nodded, and proceeded to make sure the doughnuts did not overcook. I looked about, and finally saw a figure laying on one of the couches in the darkness.. I sighed, and shook my head as I walked over. Noticing that she had, indeed, been reading one of my books... Though, It was unfinished... I placed my hand on her shoulder, and shook her... She groggily pushed my hand away. "Miss Hawkeye, It's time to wake up." Again, All i recieved was a tired push away... I knelt at her side, and placed my hand on her head.. Checking to make sure she was'nt ill. Unfortunately, though, What i recieved was her lips over mine... She had turned over in her sleep, and in turn, kissed me... I immediately went a deep shade of red, and fell over backwards... Almost hitting my head on the oak coffee table. She, too, had basically fallen off of the couch with the contact... Again, To my misfortune, She fell on top of me. Spread eagle, and in a very comprimising position... My eyes, basically, went white. She turned a beet shade of red, and quickly got off of me... We both apologized to each other several times before walking quickly into the kitchen.. The doughnuts were now placed on a large platter in the middle of the table. Where Edward was currently blowing, like a typhoon, through the amount of O shaped baked goods.

Breakfast had gone by rather fast... Though, The apparant hormones eminating from Winry, and Edward indeed blew me off... I could smell the musk of sweat, and intimacy on them both.. Very faintly, but I could... They obviously had taken a bath together, and had not really cleaned up much. I was rather amazed that they were so intimate despite their age.. ,but, Of course, that is what young love is about... Intimacy, and Passion... Unfortunately for myself, I had never been loved by the women I had crushed upon. Rather destroying, It was. What was wrong with me, I did'nt know. I'm a quiet gentleman, but I was, in my own right, wild. I had remained a virgin through my college years, and much into the current day. Love was, indeed, very fickle. Though, Honestly, It did'nt bother me at all that I had yet to have intercourse... I knew my way around it, and I was nowhere near a novice... Though, I had never experienced the act firsthand. _ 'Why am I thinking about that anyway? It must be those two...' _I thought to myself. Either way, Everyone had retired to the dining room, or the living room. I, by myself, had sat on the porch swing. I much preferred the gentle breeze of nature to the feeble comparance of modern technology.. Though, I could'nt live without either. I had brought my writing materials, and had proceeded to scribble down lyrics for another song... I had yet to have a license deal, or anything for my writing.. It was purely fun, and I was happy with that... The music I wrote, The stories I wrote, and the tales i wove... They were mine, and mine alone.

The silence of the front porch died quickly though. Out of the air came sudden screams, and moans. My eyes drifted towards the sky, and closed as i tried to focus on where they came from... It was coming from the upper floor? _'I thought everyone had proceeded to watch television, or read a book..' _Though, I remembered now that Riza, and Winry had both retired to their rooms supposedly... The images of female a la female intimacy blasted into my mind as my erection heightened... I tried to ignore it, but was only cursed with more feminine groaning... To my luck, Everyone else was probably listening to an overly-loud television... I had no choice, but to retreat to the upstairs to find out what was going on... I knew I would be struck for it, but... Oh, Who am i kidding? I was as horny as a first-timer to a pornography convention! I walked quietly, yet quickly, to the staircase and ascended... Listening again to hear murmured whispers, and moans. They came from the Lieutenants room. _'I'm going to hate myself for being this stupid...'_ Was what came to mind before I opened the door to find the two in 69 position... My face could have been seen in the darkest hour of the night right then, and there. They both stared at me in shock before i had quickly retreated... A moment of glory, and idiocy. Though, My erection was saying something much, MUCH, different. The two women walked out of the room, still noticeably naked, and I braced myself for what was truely going to be the beating of a lifetime. What came, though, was the exact opposite. They dragged me into the room, and basically tore my clothing from my form.

To say the least, I was surprised... They giggled, and noticed how serious my blush had become... If i got any redder, A farmer would mistake me for a tomato. The younger blonde whispered to her compatriot, and giggled as i simply sat there dumbstruck... Riza forced herself unto my face. "Lick me." She commanded, and My erection (All rational thought at this moment had completely derailed.) complied with great eagerness. Winry settled herself unto it as I began to probe my tongue into Riza's wonderful tasting slit. The younger blonde moaned in delight as she took me all the way in, a sound I replied graciously with into Riza's cunt.. She began to ride me as I lapped at the woman's tunnel...

Then, I startled awake. My penis throbbing from the dream I had had once falling asleep upon the swing... I stood up, in both ways, and face-palmed for waking up at the good moment... I walked inside, much to my embarrasment as almost everyone noticed my difficulty and the reason why i was having said difficulty walking, and immediately went to my room... Settling unto the bed, and removing my shirt.. Sweat had come to my body in the nap.. I stood in front of the air conditioner, and let the cooling wind flow over my slightly toned body... I heard a noise much like a small laugh nearby, and turned around to see no one... I scratched my head in confusion, and turned back to the window, in which, The air conditioner was stuck... Little did i expect what happened next... I felt hands grasp at my arms, and throw me unto the bed.. I had little time to react, and was pinned down to the bed. I struggled, and tried to make out my 'attacker' before having a hand placed over my mouth to keep me from making any noise...

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Author's Note: Cliffhanger! Who is the mysterious 'attacker', and what is he/she intent on doing? Find out next chapter!

Please, Read, and Review!


	3. Chapter 3: Permanent Fixture

**Chapter Three: Permanent Fixture**

I had continued to wrestle my attacker while, it appeared, that no one was going to FUCKING HELP ME! It had put a hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming, and had wrapped a leg around me... I still could'nt see who it was (It was too damn dark.), but i saw crimson eyes glaring into mine.. I thrashed my legs against the grip it had around me, but it only seemed to tighten... Hell, I did'nt know humans (I was guessing it was human.) had that kind of strength in their legs. It reached into my jeans, and at this point i begin to freak, and it begins to massage the growth inside of them... It was clear this was a woman now, Her fingers were far too slender, and experienced to be a man of any kind... I should have turned the light on when i came in, but i had'nt... What a horrible situation to be in, regardless. She began to massage the base of my manhood obviously enjoying the, slowly weakening, fight I continued to put out.. "Mph mh mphuk mphr mu!" I tried to speak into her hand only to recieve muffled noises... I felt something wet trace at my earlobe. "They call me Lust..."

_'Lust? I thought only those five had crossed over... The Homunculi too?' _I thought to myself as she began to loose the button on my jeans... I did'nt know why she had targeted me, or whatever the hell her plans were.. But, I would'nt take being controlled like this.. I thrashed wildly with her only laughing maniacly, and then snickering triumphantly as my engorged rod was released into the cold air... "I'm going to rape you, and then kill everyone in the house..." _'Perfect, Just perfect..' _"Oh, My you are pretty big for a human.." She... _Giggled?_.. No, Just a smirk... She continued to massage my throbbing manhood before she quickly began to move her clothing (I still could'nt see.) aside while i heard the rustle... I began to feel heat focused over the tip of my manhood before she impaled herself. I moaned into her hand, and she began to ride me.. Up, and down. Up, and down. Much like the motion of a boat on unfriendly waves... I would have expected to have been helped out of the situation by now, but That is a futile thought at this time. I stared into those crimson orbs, and ceased to resist her vice around my penis. "Broken already? Oh, Pathetic..." Until she saw the look in my eyes. "What are yoMph!" I somehow managed the strength to thrust into her, and cause her to hold onto my legs for support... The ball was in my court now, and I somehow managed to push her off of me in a moment of weakness.. She landed on the floor as i hurriedly dressed enough to hide my swelling erection, and sped out of the room... Edward, and Alphonse sat in the living room boredly flipping channels. "Well, No **fucking** wonder i wase'nt getting any help.." Edward looked at me confused, and began to speak before i jumped away from the door which now contained five razor sharp nails. "**Shit!** You two, Your old friend Lust decided to show up!" They both stared at me dumbstruck before jumping up, and looking eager for a fight... I managed to retreat passed them, and slunk against the doorframe... This was more their problem than mine.. I could'nt use alchemy, or fight, especially a **Homunculus**, with just my fists. The door was torn down, and They both waited for her to step in... Knowing that they were'nt in direct sight until she stepped through into the light of the living room. "Oh, The poor boy did'nt feel like being taken advantage of?" She cackled, and stepped through... Edward, almost literally, lept at her with his handblade... Alphonse retreated to my side to see what she had done to me... All he could find was my raspy breath, uneven clothes, and a large hill in the crotch of my jeans... He blushed almost immediately, and returned to help his brother... _'It's going to be a long-ass day.'_ Was all i could voice to myself..

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Author's Note: Sorry the chapter was so short, but I kind of got cut off in the middle of it... Muse left me, and I decided to wrap it up with a fight brewing. Anyway, See the battle next chapter!


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